This is perhaps one of the few posts I will make, in which I myself do not have complete faith. Everyone tells me I get hurt very easily. Guess I do. And the worst part is, sometimes I'm not really good at hiding it, either. We hurt people, people hurt us. Who is right? Is there a right? Who decides? I don't have answers. Maybe I don't need those answers either. But one question which I do need an answer to, is "Can I forgive?" Or rather, "Do I forgive?" Again, I don't know. I try. But do I really truly do it? If I do, why does it still hurt, every single time?
I had lost this poem in the passage of the years, it came back at a moment when I was really feeling antsy. The last line goes "We’ll all find peace if we forgive." But then, peace has never been one of my strong points. And "I forgive you" sounds so condescending. I wonder if it so, in reality. I'll try anyway. Forgive me too?
I had lost this poem in the passage of the years, it came back at a moment when I was really feeling antsy. The last line goes "We’ll all find peace if we forgive." But then, peace has never been one of my strong points. And "I forgive you" sounds so condescending. I wonder if it so, in reality. I'll try anyway. Forgive me too?
Forgive
-Danielle Rosenblatt
Forgive the sun who did not shine
The sky had asked her in to dine
Forgive the stars that heard your wish
The moon prepared their favourite dish
Forgive the rain for its attack
The clouds have tears they could not hold back
Don’t hate the birds because they are free
Don’t envy all the things they see
Don’t block the wind, but hear its cry
Or else that wind may pass you by
Forgive the storm it means no harm
Could not resist to, show its charm
Forgive the earth that never turns
Don’t hate the sun, because too much burns
Life intends to cause no pain
The flowers bloom from all the rain
The storm will come and it will pass
The sun that shines, it grows the grass
The wind it cannot help but cry
The stars at night light up the sky
Forgive the world in which we live
We’ll all find peace if we forgive.
for forgiveness to be complete the forgiver needs to completely understand the perspective of the person in the wrong. understand his version completely and accept it. needless to say it takes a lot to do that.
ReplyDeleteforgiving someone hurts because of 2 reasons:
one is the mental hurt deep within coming into the physical. the other more common reason is because the forgiving is incomplete.
the first type is taken care of by asking yourself questions about why it is hurting you. get to the point or points that hurts you and then make peace with yourself.
the second - complete the forgiving and then it will usually turn into the first type. you know what to do then :-)
Completely agree with your passage. The dynamics between forgiving and peace. People make it sound like it's your job to forgive and forget and claim that will get you peace. A lot of times I try so hard and THAT doesn't help. TRYING to forgive and/or forget is a paradox- the more you try the more it's branded in you. I personally feel you have to be gifted to do either or both. This is of course not to say that I don't agree with the forget/forgive concept. I just think it's too big a concept for me. Maybe time will change that?
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand most of the times I don't want to forgive either. Because it's like you said- it feels condescending. At the end of the day, who am I to offer forgiveness? Every time I've tried it I've felt nothing but guilt for acting like a higher authority. If it's about being a bigger person- I'm not sure I am. And I'm not sure anyone is. But I suppose it works for those people who'd find it easier to believe that forgiving/forgetting makes them a better person. Maybe it does. I don't see a logic to it yet. But I do have the basic respect for age-old sayings to rally against it.
Great post!
-S
thanks S. maybe someday we will find our answers.
DeleteWell I wrote this for someone very dear to me. I think it can be of help. Ignore it if it is not. Just sharing it. Open to your comments.
ReplyDeleteWell for starters I agree in parts with the second comment that you have to in your own way be gifted to forgive and forget. I only agree partly because I do not think only the gifted can.
Frankly speaking I do not know the problems of forgiving, I have been comfortable with it always. But being around you has made me empathize "the story people". In my own way I’ll try to structurally decode the problem and give my opinions on it
THE PROBLEMS OF FORGIVING:-
1) "I FORGIVE YOU" SOUNDS SO CONDESCENDING
If this is a generic, to that I have to say that "the story people" have to have to be low on self confidence. Now this may sound a little "CONDESCENDING" but, this basically comes from the belief that all people the good, the bad and the ugly forgive something or someone in their daily lives, cause I am sure not all goes your way. Most of it you can forgive because they are minuscule things (hell I am sure everyone forgives themselves all the time). The things or people that you cannot are always either too close to you or too large an event in your life. My point being that you need not be god or the person doing the wrong to forgive. Everyone can in their own way.
2) I SUPPOSE IT WORKS FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO WOULD FIND IT EASIER TO BELIEVE THAT FORGIVING MAKES THEM A BETTER PERSON:-
In my opinion (and this come from a person who finds it relatively easier to forgive) forgiving is a gift wrapped word for saying you’re giving someone or something a second chance.
I highlight this as a problem (knowing that it might not seem like one) because a lot of credit goes to the mindset of the forgiver. Forgiving can be a selfish thing because, trust me it can give a lot of peace and for some it might be the last resort to accessing it. It’s not making anyone a better person. Its making you just deal with things
It might not always hold true, but is giving someone a second chance that bad?
3) FORGIVE/FORGET:-
Personally another big problem that I see in this post is these two words going hand in hand. I say personally because it holds true for me that I can forgive someone and not forget about it, and I feel that’s essential to forgiving (at least for me). I guess this is because a basic truth of life is engrained into me “that life will go on no matter what”
4) WHY DOES IT STILL HURT:-
Because you haven’t forgiven. You might be tired, exhausted but forgiven is something you haven’t done. Solve the problem or leave it completely. However harsh it is definitely do either, or a part of you will never be able to recover.
AGAIN JUST MY OPINION. Y OU NEED NOT BELIVE THEM, ITS SOMETHING I BELIVE IN.
THOUGH I HOPE IT HELPED.
Thank you. Believe me when i say that want to believe in what you say. One thing, say someone hurts me, i hold no anger, no grudge, no sadness, but yet,yet i cannot trust that person again. Could i say i have forgiven that person?
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