Friday, 26 October 2012

Being a Fool

If there is anything that being buffered around a few times in life does to you, is that it makes you skeptical. Something good happens, and you assume there is something bad waiting somewhere around the corner.

It is useful sometimes, even if unfortunate. Getting knocked down enough number of times comes with valuable experience. Experience that tells you you can't avoid getting the knocks, but it sure helps if at least you can prevent being blindsided. Survival strategies are made of such stuff.

As they say, life hands you lemons. And for a while, you do your best to sweeten away the sourness, figuratively speaking. Then you run out of sugar, and just accept the fact that lemons are sour. That is usually smart.

And then, rarely, something really nice comes your way. Guess what, you poor sod, you are still stuck with the sour taste in your mouth. This is the sad part. You know you like it, but you can't enjoy it. You try to put aside the baggage you've accumulated, hurt and pain and mistrust and everything else, and try to replace it with a new order of things, one that has you happy. And all you can think of is, "This is stupid. This is too good to be true."

Frankly, you're right. By most chances, the good phase will not last. It rarely does. And you'll come back crashing again, broken. Just like the last time. Remember how much it hurt? You are a fool. You can walk away from what makes you happy, you can even convince yourself you're doing it to protect yourself from further hurt.
It makes frightening sense, but you know what, you'll still be a fool. And moreover, now you are both a fool and a fraud.

Tough deal, huh? It's tough for me. But right now, I'll take my chances. I'll be just the fool. Simply because I've been a fraud for too long. Wish me luck.


  1. I really want to ask something - to you or everyone it applies to ...
    Yes the lemons are damn sour & sugar supply is miserly in comparion ... its also true you rather get used to the falls than be able to prevent one ...
    But if people know the difference between a fraud & a fool ... then how is it always you Vs. the rest when everyone's feeling the same pain. Who came up with stories of faith & hope for humanity?
    It's been bugging me endlessly. You may argue that the informed are much less in number but (1) even they are still alone (2) it would be extreme to say the others find despair inherent

  2. It's not me versus the rest. It's just me trying to make sense of it all. Sometimes with little help, sometimes with little success.

  3. How many times has other people's expectations/ideas for you alligned with yours? Don't they see it? How many problems can you lose by doing the same task out of your own desire than responsibility or wish to please someone you care about?Even mistakes made independently don't hurt half as much.
    There's more on my mind about this but I'll stop thinking aloud here :). Awesome writings btw ;)

  4. When life throws lemons at you, be smart, jump up high and smash them with a big punch. It's gonna get better....


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